beggining

When she walked away it felt liberating. She did not feel remorse or apprehension. The marriage had been the longest relationship in her life, the best and the worst as well. Twenty years of being his, not her own person.

Now she feels ready to take on the future. To, for once in her entire life, put herself first. There is no husband or child to take care of before herself. She is making all the decisions for just one person, and taking responsibility for just one. To live alone. To come and go as she chooses.

She is dating again. The only part of this she fears. How does she, now, open herself to another man? She is longing for the audacity she always had in her youth.

She has had a few awkward flirtations and dates. Feels so unprepared. The bravado is gone. In the past she had always felt in control. When did she become the needy one? In the past she left men begging for it. Now there were times she had to bite her tongue lest she, herself, become the beggar.

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